I feel as if I am stuck in cement this week, like someone pushed me into a wet cement wall and I’m stuck there on display, naked in every way imaginable. All of my nerve endings are on the outside of my body, and my empathic nature is turned up to 11 with no filter. You feel it? I feel it times 1000. You want something from me? The only thing I have to give is blank reflection of your need in the moment before it falls to the floor between us, unanswered. Don’t worry, if it’s still needed in a few days, I’ll pick it up, shake it out, kiss it on each eyelid. I will love you out loud then.
Where for most of my life I attempted to assimilate during my cycle, to rally and put on a good game face, in recent months I am very clear that I can no longer fake it in order to make other people more comfortable. This change that my body is going through is too big to ignore, and is about more than just a change in how I bleed. This is me aging. This is me entering a new place in the paradigm of womanhood. My body is telling me some deep shit and I’m listening in a way that I must if I want to come out the other side understanding who I am and what I need.
It’s Thursday, and I would normally be attempting some kind of a sexy something or other to post here for SST. I’ve been quite focused on illustrating my evolving sexual nature here, documenting it for myself because I almost can’t believe it’s true.
Here’s the thing - truth is sexier than fiction to me. The truth is I’m looking at sexy from two sides of the veil at once. I’m at a place in my life where I am blossoming and exploring aspects of myself I had no idea even existed, and doing so with the full and loving support of my partner. But, I turn the other way, press my face against the sheer curtain that hangs between us all, and I see that an important part of my body is dying to itself, dying to the world. I can’t fight it and I can’t fight the truth of what it means, even though it terrifies me.
I’ve been staring at this screen for 20 minutes trying to find a way to wrap this up, but I’ve got nothing more. It’s another day. It’s another chance to face myself and find some small grace to forgive myself for turning away from everyone, and another small grace to forgive everyone around me for pushing even the smallest bits of themselves on me.
I’m alright. It’s alright. We’re alright.
I laughed harder at this than at the original.
amassofhumanity replied to your link:US Airways Just Tweeted Out One Of The Most Graphic Things You’ve Ever Seen A Brand TweetAnother commercial plane landing at the wrong strip.
Bravo, Clark. Bravo.