I have to make some big life and work changes. At the moment I can’t seem to find the energy to leave my front porch chair, and my mind is a wall of droning noise, with no actual ideas of what I will do to change effectively. People keep telling me that I am strong and talented and will be good at anything I choose to do (can’t live on $7k a year) but those words don’t mean anything to me in the face of how much everything hurts and how frozen in fear I find myself.
I don’t know how one starts over at forty seven. I don’t want to go backwards.
A thousand half-loves
must be forsaken to take
one whole heart home.
— Rumi, “A thousand half-loves”, The Book of Love: Poems of Ecstasy and Longing. Harper One, 2003
Oh, hai preeclampsia level high blood pressure reading
Haven’t seen you in over a decade…
Danielle Laporte (via anindependentguinevere)
Ok. I said it. Somebody turn on the lights.
I can get through this. I can help my girl get through this.
That’s all I need to do.