Thunderstorms are moving in from the west
and the air keeps getting more humid and chilly. My bedroom suddenly smells like the room in my grandparent’s basement where gramps kept his many hunting rifles and made his ammunition. I haven’t thought of that room in years but I could just now reach out and touch an empty casing and feel grandpa tousling my curls with his rough hand that always smelled faintly of the fish he spent...
Lady I Barely Know: My daughter is trying to get a job here.
Me: That's great! I hope it works out.
Lady: Do you think you could help her?
Me: I'd be glad to answer any questions she has, but I can't do much more than that.
Lady: Well, you can tell her what positions to apply to.
Me: Not really. Besides the fact that I don't have time, she knows her skills better than I do. It's in her best interest to manage her own candidacy. All of the positions are posted on the website. If she has any questions about a specific job I'd be glad to point her in the right direction, though.
Lady: Well... If I send you her resume, do you think you could email her a list of the positions you think she should apply to?
Me: Sure! I'll look it over right after I pick up your dry cleaning but before I wash your car. Is that good for you?
I know, I'm a weirdo
Toni said I should be a weirdo. Blame her.
Oh, you guys,
I really wish we could all lie on a big patchwork quilt in my back yard, watching the clouds float by and the stars wink in and out of view while we listen to Beach House and let our feet rest against each other’s feet while pretending not to wonder if our feet are gross or if it’s weird that we’re touching when we hardly even know each other, and I share my tequila and let you...
Tequila and Beach House are making quite the...
and I keep sniffing my wrist, which is lightly dabbed with Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s Nanshe - a heady blend of Lemon and Lavender with hints of Bergamot and something more deeply pungent, almost like Valerian or another herbal and medicinal scent. It’s so good to just float and feel unmoored, trusting in the tide I cannot see but feel gently bumping me along.
It is so a thing.
Scopin' Robin's salad patch
Like a boss
certainsongs: Julia Stone - “Bloodbuzz Ohio” ...
Growing old together
Me: Weird, my cycle is 2 weeks late and this month I didn't get any breast pain at all like I did the last few months.
Chris: None at all?
Me: No, I'm just all crampy as hell and my knees are killing me.
Chris: Your knees hurt? That's where you tits will end up anyway, so that makes sense.
OH MY GOD TONI
I figured it out. I haven’t pooped since Thursday morning because I’m full of shit. Maybe if I make a new video about how I’m full of shit? Maybe then? Because the herbal cleanse, aloe juice, gallons of water, high veggie diet thing is clearly not working. I am so full of shit. Now I know. Now YOU know. I’m so sorry. And so full of shit.
I wanted to post the picture, but couldn't to that...
marleymarley: Jason Bateman in his latest movie. It’s not that bad, but not especially SFW. Like Ron said, I just cain’t. GOOD. GRAVY. Or as Toni, Dan, and their Three Musketeers would say: BUTT GRAVY.
Emphasis on "little assholes"
miscmiss: FACT: Children’s tastebuds turn into little assholes that don’t like anything but candy and ice cream.
I love writing but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, “You...– Aaron Sorkin (via thatwasnotveryravenofyou) It is so comforting to know that even Aaron Sorkin feels this way, because it’s how I feel every. single. time. (via wilwheaton) “I’m not your agent and I’m not your mommy. I’m a white piece of paper, you wanna dance with...
Holy burning eyeballs, Batman
You can tell how much my brain is in other places by the way I just rubbed nail polish remover all over my eyes instead of makeup remover. I knew I shouldn’t have been such a lazy ass last night, and taken off my mascara before going to sleep. Hopefully I don’t dress with my underwear on the outside.
In related news, I could really use a pit shave.