Up extra early (by at least two hours) this morning to get Lila off to her first day of middle school. She woke on her own with the alarm (I predict I will be dragging her out of bed by Monday), made her own lunch, and walked to the bus stop on her own. This is her first year riding the bus to the big school across town instead of walking or riding her bike (or getting driven) to our little neighborhood elementary. I don’t know why this seems like a big deal, but it is.
I’m bleary in the brain and my face feels all puffy. I was wide awake until almost 2am, and the alarm went off at 6:00.
Just looking at the early SST photo I posted last night and thinking how nice it is to see my legs as strong and shapely. When I was a kid my nickname was Stem Femme. I was six feet tall in middle school, and weighed about 110 lbs, so my legs looked like giant Ent twigs. Walking the dog every day has done wonders without much effort at all.
Unfortunately, he wants me to take him out for his walk right this minute, and all I can think about is climbing back into bed for a couple more hours of sleep. We’ve been walking at 9 most mornings all summer, so I really don’t think he should be sulking like this at my feet.
I hope this unmoored and aimless feeling doesn’t linger beyond today. It’s not as if Lila has been around all summer, she had four weeks of day camp, but this last week has been intense with her carrying the news of our impending separation and starting her menses all in the same day. She’s needed so much of me, often more than I can even muster to give, although somehow it has seemed enough for her. I hope. I think.
So… to walk now or sleep now? Even with a cup of coffee in me, my eyes want to close, so yeah, zzzzzzzzzzzz…