that was today’s theme…

- began cooking for the beginning of the week with a big wok full of the cauliflower fried rice that’s become a staple around here and then took out the stuff to start the fermented pickled turnips and the red onions, but never prepped it. 

- set up 4 loads of laundry, but only did 3.

- clean sheets on the bed, but didn’t get the clean ones put away.

- intended to really deep clean the bathroom but only got to the sink and toilet.

- planned to vacuum and mop but only swept the kitchen floor.

- scrubbed inside the microwave and under all the grates and griddle on the stovetop, but those toppers are still in the sink. 

- put away about half of the things from under the Christmas tree instead of all of the things.

- got through ¾ of Day 1 of that 30 day Yoga with Adrienne thing (too much sugar in my system and nearly puked all over myself. 

I did manage to pay the bills and reboot the budget, though, and all of these partially completed things are things I spent time doing instead of watching a show or staring into space for oops three hours. And I did not spend any time looking at dating profiles. 

Now I’m headed out to meet a few girlfriends for dinner. Pretty nice Sunday all things considered. Hope yours has been lovely, too. 

JFC with the porn bots today. 

The sun is shining and I’m enjoying that from my slow hustle indoors where I’ve been cleaning, doing laundry, sorting clothes, and most recently paying bills. 

Oy. 

I really set myself back with the cc debt over the holidays. It’s definitely time to lock them all up and make myself behave. Stick to the plan – which was to be free of it all in 18 months, but it’s obviously going to take a couple more now.  Ah well. 

I made a fresh start budget in YNAB and am committed to fine-tuning this shit so I can be free of the weight and able to build my cash reserves for things like painting the house exterior and a new roof. SO glad the sun is shining, otherwise this would feel incredibly dreary and overwhelming. 

Recently at work I’ve received a lot of offers for hugs from colleagues. We’re a hugging bunch, it’s no big deal. Hugs. High fives. Down low, too slows. I’ve fit in with all of that fairly well until quite recently when I find myself recoiling from the possibility of touch. 

We’re an overly-MBTI-focused group, so everyone knows that I’m an INFP and the hug offerer immediately backs away with a gentle smile and a nod to my introversion and I scurry away as quickly as possible, choking back tears. I’ve been thinking about it an awful lot, wondering what the hell is going on and the other day came to the conclusion that I’m feeling touch starved in the extreme - thus the tears at the thought of it. So, what to do about it? 

Yesterday was an all-day staff development program with a lot of sharing. Co-workers who live out of state were in town for it, and some with spouses who were invited to join us in the evening at the company holiday party. I decided that would be a great place for me to face this thing and so I hugged everyone I saw. Then at the end of the night, I also hugged everybody on their way out the door and then accompanied the last person out to the parking lot before we hugged. E is a sweetheart and is always so kind and encouraging. He’s also married and not a target of my romantic affections because of that status. But when we hugged, he picked me up off the ground and held me extra long. 

When I got into the car I burst into tears and then slowly wept my way the 45 minute ride home. There I fell into a comatose sleep and dreamed of the baker and the bakery all night and woke up crying again. Or still. Maybe more likely still.

We each received a nice little cash bonus, so very thoughtful and sweet in light of the fact that just in November they began matching our 401K and providing dental, vision, and medical coverage to all of us with nothing taken out of our paychecks. 

In all the craziness of the last couple of weeks, I’d forgotten that I scheduled a bona-fide 90-minute massage for this evening. The cash gift is the exact amount needed to pay for that hour and a half of intentional touch. Here’s hoping I got my crying out of the way already so I can bloody well enjoy it. 

The @staff geniuses flagged a bunch of my posts. Not one shows a nipple, but several hide a nipple. One is my hand harvesting my first flush of shiitake mushrooms. Jesus, people. Another is my scraped knee from a fall. And my legs in the tub. It’s just mind-boggling, this idiocy. 

I say got dam today was a day. Two major snafus with my client that required me having to tell someone else to do their job again. Just. Do it, my Maude. It’s what you’re being paid to do and if you don’t agree then maybe go find someone else to pay you? 

Suffering of the Fools 2019 Edition has begun. 

I just got home ravenous because my lunch salad at the local was filled with questionable lettuce and greens and I just couldn’t pick my way through it. They took it off the bill, but I rolled up in this shiz ready to eat my weight in Heather’s fettuccini. 

Instead I warmed up the leftover taco meat from the other night with a big glop of salsa and queso cheese in a sauce pan then dropped a container of veggie noodle spirals into it for a few minutes to soften them. Dumped the mess into a bowl and topped with sliced avacado, scallions, cilantro, and a squeeze of lime juice. Holy mother of Maude that was perfect. I tucked the other half of it into a container and shoved it to the way back of the fridge so my basement appendage doesn’t eat it. I want that for lunch tomorrow. 

So, instead of doing the yoga I intended to do tonight I now have to prep for an emergency client meeting in Cleveland first thing in the morning. Well, maybe I can bang it out in an hour and then go to the mat for a 30 minute session. I don’t want to break my streak - five days in a row of exercise. Let’s do six. And seven. And eight. Etc… 

This ten pounds I gained over the holidays ain’t gonna offload themselves and clearly I need more physical strength so I can kick certain asses. 

Who wants to wrestle? 

Ass, penis, wealth.

Not sure I need the first one unless it’s just a better defined one inside my own jeans, but yeah, ok… 2019, bring it. 

I just set my alarm for the first time in 10 days

And I hope to hell I can fall asleep quickly while reading this Pema Chödron book because my body has become accustomed to 8-9 hours of sleep. I feel such resistance to going back tomorrow, mostly because I opted to not touch any of the work that I could have/maybe should have tackled during the break. But, that would have pretty much killed the point of a break.

I didn’t accomplish nearly what I hoped to, but the dining room is painted and makes me smile, we ate exceptionally well, I kept the kitchen clean and living room tidy, I read a bit every day, watched a few shows, socialized just a little bit, and exercised almost every day.

The living room, stairwell, and upstairs hallway painting will have to happen over the next few weeknights and weekends as I can find the energy/time.

All of it is a start, and I also gave myself some much-needed rest. I’m painfully aware of how my depression is keeping me in a holding pattern with my creative endeavors and I want to unpack that this year. I have a strong sense of my life circling the drain that seems to grow stronger every month. What a shitty thought.

I sure wish I could find a Jungian analyst closer than Cleveland. I feel so drawn to it and ready to do that work.

Well, here’s to another dance around the sun/drain. And another night of sleep/escape.

hthrloooo:

untitledtidal:

trackabandoned:

Starting a post for all the Marco Polo kids

Reblog, and let us all be friends.

Seriously.

My head hurts and my feet hurt and I had to keep one foot on the floor for a while to stop the bed from spinning so I could go to sleep, but it was worth it. Thanks for letting us crash the get-together with our loud ass dance party.

I think I slept through most of the hangover. Good gravy I haven’t had that much to drink in a while and I’m going to need to not do that again. Thanks for inviting my drank ass to the party. Hoo boy, this reblog could get long with 69 members. Sorry about your dash peeps. 

twerklina:

I particularly adore the extra pickles on the inside.

(via workman)

Love you, Heather. You’ve been on my mind and in my heart. When you spark in my consciousness I keep holding you with the intention of a warm pulsing healing green light. We witches, we stick together.  ❤️🌗🌿